Lauren

First official entry--

So I've really been thinking hard about Kenny and I and the entire situation and..it's weird

I feel like I've been on such the defense with him because I've been so scared that he's gonna do something, hurt me somehow. but then in the back of my mind I know he's honestly a good guy..We were together for how long? and not once did he cheat on me, he didn't do ANYTHING like that. I just feel like I've kind of pushed him away..I'm not saying that him always breaking up with me is okay..because it's most definitely not

but I can kind of see why he'd feel the way he does. I wish he'd read this, and I wish he'd realize that I honestly do care for him.. more than he thinks and that I'm really ready to be a good girlfriend, no more being on the defense with him..no being uptight about things I have no reason to be that way towards..I know that if I was 21 and I lived on my own, heck I'd be out drinking with my friends sometimes too..and when I get a chance I do go with my friends and if I don't have to play DD I'll drink too.. I'm just trying to keep my chin up and pray for the best in this situation.. I want us to get back together and I want to be a good girlfriend, a better girlfriend than I have been in the past..I can't just tell him, I have to show him and getting back together is the only way I can show him anything.. we'll see though

Well. I'm gonna go.

bye

I just felt like I needed a new journal. My old one [lorioribori] was filled with things from high school and things I don't want to ever read again, people I don't want to even remember, and just basically a big part of my past that I don't want to go back to and I want no way of having access to it. Remembering is enough, I don't need to be able to look back and read everything all over again.

Kenny & I talked today, I can't say it was very successful.. I can't say it was anything really.. who knows? I'll update everyone with that whenever I get around to it.

I'm off the next two days, but I'll probably end up going in for a little bit on Friday, just for extra money.

Well, just wanted to let everyone know about this new journal =)